Excerpts from Xtreme Humor – Sunday Edition


Late Night

People are pressuring Hillary Clinton to quit. This weekend Bill Clinton said Hillary should not drop out of the presidential race. When asked why, Bill said, “Because then she’d come home.”
~Conan O’Brien

Hillary Clinton was in Philadelphia today and told the crowd that she’s like the movie character “Rocky” . . . now if I remember the movie correctly doesn’t Rocky get the crap beat out him and then loses to the black guy? Isn’t that what happened?
~Jay Leno

Kathy Lee Gifford is returning to television. She will be hosting the Today Show. Here’s the scary thing: President Bush knew but failed to act.
~David Letterman

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Things Overheard At The Dinner Table That Show You’re Child Is A Pirate

“You can flog me, but I’m not eating creamed spinach.”

“I’ve buried me treasure in the mashed potatoes.”

“I’ll need another ration of grog if you expect me to eat these peas.”

“Your tuna noodle casserole would be perfect to fill cracks in the deck.”

“This chicken tastes like the parrot I was forced to eat after being marooned on an island for 30 days.”

“I wouldn’t serve brussel sprouts to even the prisoners in the brig.”

“If I eat all my food, can I plunder the neighbors before I go to bed?”

“This burger is fatty enough to grease a mast.”

“Too many vegetables — too little shark.”

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Olympic runner Marion Jones admitted to lying about taking steroids. She got the maximum sentence: six months in prison.

The good news? Because she’s the fastest woman on earth, she’ll be able to serve it in three days, 28 minutes.

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