Freddie Mercury, Gianni Versace and the Queen Mum arrive at
the Pearly gates. St Peter explains that only one can get
through and that they each have to put forward their case
Freddie says, “I know I haven’t led a perfect life and I’ve
made some mistakes along the way, but I’ve made some of the
most beautiful music in the world. I’ll stand at the back of
heaven and serenade everybody with my wondrous songs, making
heaven a happier place to be.”
“Pretty good, Fred” said St Peter, “what about you Gianni?”
Versace says, “I make the most beautiful clothes in the world.
I will completely redesign the fashions up here, from the
archangels to the cherub to the choirboys. As you well know,
Pete, if you look good you will feel good and that will make
heaven a happier place.”
“Not bad,” says St Peter. “What about you Queen Mum?”
The Queen Mum does not say a word, instead she lifts up her
skirt, pulls down her knickers, shoots a full bottle of water
into her vagina and lets it gush all over the floor.
“Excellent! You’re in!” says St Peter.
“Hold on a minute!” says Freddie. “She didn’t even say
“Fred, you know the rules,” says St Peter. “A royal flush
beats a pair of Queens.”