The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
The stock market was up 400 points today, or as the Democrats call it — terrible news.
Barack Obama said again today that he wants to raise taxes on the rich — that’s provided by November anyone is still rich.
That seems to be the theme: In a speech today, Joe Biden said that paying higher taxes is patriotic. The Republican strategy on Joe Biden? Let him keep talking.
The Democratic-controlled Congress said they are going to adjourn for the rest of the year. They said regarding the financial crisis, no one knows what to do. Well, that’s a ringing endorsement to re-elect them — “You’re on your own! We’re leaving.”
Late Show with David Letterman
Late Night with Conan O’Brien
Due to the current crisis on Wall Street, President Bush announced just a few hours ago that he’s canceled a trip to Alabama. Bush said, “Under the circumstances, I didn’t think it was right to leave the country.”
This Sunday, the entire hour of “60 Minutes” will be devoted to Barack Obama and John McCain. Apparently, Barack Obama will be interviewed, and John McCain will fill in for Andy Rooney.
Earlier this week in Colorado, Barack Obama gave a speech in the middle of a rodeo ring. Obama began his speech at the rodeo by saying, “Hello — I am what is known as a black guy.”
This week, someone hacked into Sarah Palin’s Yahoo! account and read her e-mails. Reading Palin’s e-mails is a great way to hear what she has to say — without having to listen to her voice.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
The Dow’s going bananas . . . it’s going up one day, down the next — it’s like Sarah Palin’s hair.
Computer hackers broke into Sarah Palin’s e-mail. They posted her mail on the Internet. It’s disgraceful. I urge everyone not to read Gov. Palin’s emails — especially any drooling, adolescent love-letters from someone known as Craig from CBS.com.
Tough blow for Barack Obama. Yesterday, a key Democratic fundraiser switched sides. She said Obama was too elitist. She is none other than Lady Lynn Forest de Rothschild. She’s worth a gazillion dollars. That’s it Obama — you’ve lost the people’s vote.
She’s a lawyer as well. Is it wise to be hanging around Republicans after what Cheney did to his lawyer?
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Finally some good news this week: The chairman of the Fed called for a do-over. We’re just going to start the week over.
The government had to bail out two huge companies, and today they strongly hinted that they’d bail out others . . . at taxpayers’ expense of course. It’s all part of a new approach that leaders in the White House and Congress are taking — it’s called socialism.
The president briefly came out of hiding today to say that he shares the public’s concerns.
A hacker hacked into Sarah Palin’s e-mail by breaking her password, which turned out to be Bible, hockey, lipstick, gun.