Late Night Wednesday 9/24/08

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

John McCain wants to postpone Friday’s presidential debate. And, he has temporarily suspended his campaign . . . until he’s ahead in the polls.

Right after he announced that, Sarah Palin said, “That’s OK — I don’t really need him, anyway.”

Today, Barack Obama told Joe Biden to be less like Sarah Palin: “Stop talking to the press!”

Yesterday at the U.N., Mahmoud I’m-a-nutjob blamed the United States for the collapse of the global markets. Well, that just goes to show you . . . in a crisis, you really find out who your friends are.

Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Questions People Are Asking the John McCain Campaign

10. “I just contributed to your campaign — how do I get a refund?”
9. “It’s Sarah Palin — does this mean I’m pars’dent?”
8. “Can’t you solve this by selling some of your homes?”
7. “Hi, this is Clay Aiken. Is McCain single?”
6. “Do you still think the fundamentals of our economy are strong, genius?”
5. “Are you doing all this just to get out of going on Letterman?”
4. “What would Matlock do?”
3. “Hillary here — my schedule is free Friday night”
2. “Is this just an excuse to catch up on napping?”
1. “This is President Bush — what’s all this trouble with the economy?”


Late Show with David Letterman

John McCain had to cancel an appearance on the show because he is suspending his campaign because the economy is exploding.

You know John McCain, the running mate of Sarah Palin?

Nobody told his vice presidential running mate Sarah Palin — she’s still circling the theatre in a white minivan.

After canceling, he rushed right back to Washington to deal with the crisis. And I thought, “Woah — he sure nipped that in the bud.”


Late Night with Conan O’Brien

John McCain says he wants to postpone Friday’s debate. Not because of the economic crisis, but because TVLand is running a “Golden Girls” marathon.

Yesterday, President Bush gave a speech on the economic crisis. The title of Bush’s speech: “Two More Months and It Ain’t My Problem.”

During his speech, Bush said, “We are in a once in a century crisis.” He said we shouldn’t worry though, because this once in a century crisis shouldn’t happen again for 10-15 years.

Sarah Palin is in New York City this week. Her family took the ferry to the Statue of Liberty. When she saw the ferry, she said, “Can’t we build a bridge to that thing?”


The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

John McCain has suspended his presidential campaign. He also wanted to cancel Friday’s debate with Barack Obama because of the financial crisis. Obama said, “Well, I’ll have the debate anyway. It will be easier without McCain there.”

He also canceled an interview with David Letterman, but then he did an interview with Katie Couric at the same time he was supposed to be on Letterman. He said that he was in a rush to get back to Washington, but apparently he had time for a game of softball with Katie before he left.

If you cross David Letterman, you cross me. If you cross me, you cross David Letterman. You may have to explain to Letterman who I am, but . . .

You can’t just suspend a democratic process because we are facing problems. At what point do you then think that maybe you should suspend the election? People have done that before . . . Castro . . . Napolean . . .


Jimmy Kimmel Live!

John McCain is putting his campaign on hold to focus on the economy. He wants to postpone his debate with Barack Obama on Friday. Seems like the old “my grandmother died” before the exam excuse.

When you have 11 houses, you take a housing crisis very, very seriously.

McCain asked Obama to stop campaigning and stop campaign ads. Obama said no, but they have agreed to put out a joint statement. They just released it about an hour ago: It’s All Bush’s Fault!

Bush has an interesting way to fix the economy: a bake sale.

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