Some Groaners


I was at my new job today driving for Acme Delivery Service and was
sent to get some parts for two trucks. They told me they needed a
heater hose for two F250 trucks which required a special flared head.
I asked them if I should go to Auto Zone for them, but they said only
NAPA had the correct hoses. So I asked: “You mean you want two NAPA
headed hose?” Somehow, I still have my job, but I hear MSNBC won’t be
using our services any longer.

I was driving up the freeway the other night, and was being
aggressively followed by a Volkswagen Beetle. Its driver absolutely
insisted on tailgating me, so I sped up a bit — and it sped up a bit,
too, still right on my tail. Then I remembered what they tell you in
the new-driver’s manual — to ward off a tailgater, slow down. So I
dropped from 70 — to 60 — and at 45 the Beetle was still right
behind, and at this speed, running even closer. My wife looked over at
me, and I my entire face must have been twisted into a scowl, for she
said, “What’s the matter, hon? You look like you have a bug up your
ass.”

My friend Cindy was walking up Third Avenue in Manhattan thinking
about her impending wedding. Strung across the street in midtown was a
large protest banner. When she arrived home, she said to her fiancé,
“There is a giant sign across Third Avenue that says, ‘Free China,’
but they don’t tell you where to get it.

During my husband’s time as an older student, we didn’t have much
money for our family of seven. At a friend’s wedding, my four-year-old
daughter was sitting next to me when the minister asked, “Do you take
this man for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in
health?’ Our daughter turned to me and whispered loudly, “You chose
poorer, didn’t you Mommy?”

~thanks Stan!

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