* Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.
* Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin’ his salt, that he forgets his sugar.
* Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.
* When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
* On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past – but never the present.
* The bonds of matrimony are a good investment, only when the interest is kept up.
* Many girls like to marry a military man – he can cook, sew, and make beds, and is in good health, and he’s already used to taking orders.
* Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age, and start bragging about it.
* The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
* When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, remember about Algebra.
* I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
* Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
* Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don’t recognize you.
* If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you are old.