The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Tonight’s the night kids go through the neighborhood asking for handouts — the same thing Wall Street did a few months ago.
I saw the scariest costume — one kid was dressed as a 401(k).
Two kids came together to my house. One was dressed as Mickey Mouse, while the other was dressed as an ACORN volunteer trying to register him to vote.
Barack Obama took his kids out for Halloween . . . but he only let them take candy from households making over $250,000 a year.
Late Show with David Letterman
Set your clocks back an hour this weekend. I’m thinking, great idea — if there’s one thing we need it’s an extra hour of 2008.
President Bush has already set the clocks back — to 1929, thank you.
Everyone’s getting into the Halloween spirit. The Democratic candidate changed his name to “Barack o’ Lantern.”
I like bobbing for apples on Halloween. Or as Dick Cheney calls it, “apple-boarding.”
Late Night with Conan O’Brien
Barack Obama made a special stop in Chicago today so he could see his daughters in their Halloween costumes. Apparently Obama’s daughters wanted to be a princess and a fairy — but he made them dress up as “hope” and “change.”
Today on “The View,” all the hosts came dressed as U.S. presidents. The last time the ladies of “The View” did this, Star Jones dressed up as a joint session of Congress.
It was reported today that 33 million people saw Barack Obama’s infomercial. As a result, John McCain is thinking of making one too, but his is for Craftmatic Adjustable Beds.
Oprah Winfrey says she plans to attend Barack Obama’s election night rally in Chicago. So win or lose, Obama is going home with a new car.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
John McCain is having trouble getting crowds at his speeches. He bused in 400 school kids to fill the stands recently. It backfired though — the kids wanted to know why Santa was so angry.
Don’t forget to turn your clocks back. It’s the end of Daylight Savings. That’s too bad — that’s all the saving most Americans have now.
Last year for Halloween I was a banana. I actually got a job offer from Fruit of the Loom.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
It’s Halloween. There’s a tradition that newscasters dress up for Halloween. I think it started in the ‘60s with Walter Cronkite — he dressed up in a sexy nurse costume.
The top political costume this year is Sarah Palin. Palin’s campaign had to put out a special warning — they told the traveling press corps, “Don’t dress up as an animal. She might shoot you.”
Sarah Palin found the cutest Little Mermaid costume at Bergdorf’s for only $8,500. It’s made out of real dolphin.
John McCain says that Joe the plumber is his role model. He wants to take him with him if he gets into the White House. That’s not a bad idea — they’ll need someone to install safety rails on the White House toilets.