Making brownies with Billy


Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375. Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan. Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Billy “no, no.” Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take flour away from Billy and clean cupboards. Measure 1/3 cup cocoa. Take flour away from Billy again and bathe cat. Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing wet flour from cat’s tail.

Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour. Take smouldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation. Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialled call to India removed from bill. Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.

Let cat out of refrigerator. Pour mixture into well-greased 9×13-inch pan. Bake 25 minutes. Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw cat outside while there’s still time and she’s still able to run away.

Frosting – Mix the following in saucepan: 1 cup sugar 1 oz unsweetened chocolate 1/4 cup margarine. Take the darn teddy bear out of the @#$% microwave and throw it away – far away. Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn’t know Billy had slipped out of the house and was heading for the street. Put Billy in playpen. Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes Answer door and apologise to neighbour for Billy having stuck a garden hose in man’s front door letter box. Promise to pay for ruined carpet. Tie Billy to clothesline.

Remove burned brownies from oven.

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