redneck

Redneck Honeymoon


A week after their wedding, the redneck newlyweds, Ed and Arlene, paid a visit to their doctor.

“You ain’t gonna believe this, Doc,” said the husband. “My thingy’s turnin’ blue.”

“That’s pretty unusual,” said the doctor. “Let me examine you.”

The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the redneck’s “thingy” really was blue.

The doctor turns to the wife, “Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed for you?”

“Yep, shore am,” she replied brightly.

“And what kind of jelly are you using with it?”

“Grape.”

Redneck Olympics


Doves released during opening ceremonies are promptly shot by the crowd and sold as concession snacks.

Little Rock’s most famous strip club, “Peek-a-Boo Street”, forced to change its name.

The Big Event? The 100m Sisterchase.

No snow + No ice = Skiing through 10 inches of grits and skating on fresh bacon fat.

Instead of shooting at boring targets, biathletes take aim at muskrats and ATF agents.

Olympic officials attempt to pass off LeAnn Rimes’ frantic yodeling as a medley of all the different national anthems, “includin’ all them new Russian ones!”

Metal detectors replaced with ringworm detectors.

Teary-eyed awe of seeing Olympic Flame burn is replaced by teary-eyed *hyucks* of seeing Vern light his own gas.

Urine drug test magically transformed into “Distance Pissing Competition. ”

Olympic Village replaced with Olympic Trailer Park.

Awards of gold, silver and bronze medals replaced by awards of gold, silver and bronze teeth.

Curling now merely one part of the “Big Hair” competition.

Opening Ceremony reduced to Roger Clinton with a Skynyrd tape and a trunk full of bottle rockets.

Hometown favorites falter in ice skating competitions due to all them extra toes.

Two words: Billy Bobsledding