Just 1,461 days until the next Presidential election.
• If Sarah Palin bought 700 billion Popsicles and divided them equally among her kids, they would still have the weirdest names in Alaska.
• If you had rented Bonfire Of The Vanities from the Clam Bay Blockbuster on March 18, 1991 for 700 billion days, you still wouldn’t have finished watching it. Because it’s crap.
• If you were the last car in a line of 700 billion identical Porsche Boxsters, and a guy came in behind you in a Plymouth Neon, he would still pull out to pass.
• If you put all your spare pennies in a coffee mug on your bedroom dresser every day, and never spent them, and never gave them to charity, or to your kids, and never accidentally lost a bunch of them when the cat jumped on your dresser and dumped them, it wouldn’t take long before you started wondering what the hell you’re going to do with all those pennies.
• If you were waiting in line to renew your license at the DMV and you took a ticket from the machine that said ‘Take A Ticket And Wait Until Your Number Is Called’, and the number on your ticket was 700,000,000,000, the number on the ‘Now Being Served’ sign would say 700,000,000,018.
• If you paid your cellphone service provider $700 billion in advance to take advantage of their Prepaid Weekends offer for the rest of your life, you would immediately get a weekend job in a hospital where you can’t use a cellphone.
• If you went into Sleep Country and asked if you could stack 700 billion Sealy mattresses on top of each other to see if their advertising claims were true, you would discover that you had a ceiling problem after about 11 mattresses.
• If Kirstie Alley eats one more cookie, she will weigh 700 billion pounds.
• If you owned a dog that liked to roll in dead fish carcasses whenever it went to the beach, there would be 700 billion dead fish on the beach the next time you went there.
• If some financial wizard did a lot of math and figured that the taxpayers would have to pay a bunch of slick weasels 700 billion dollars to solve a problem they created, it wouldn’t take the taxpayers long to figure out how much it would cost to buy enough burlap sacks and rocks to take care of all the slick weasels they could round up.
Don’t believe it? Just look at this ad that showed up on washingtonpost.com yesterday.
The quote actually belongs to Wall Street Journal columnist Peggy Noonan — she said it on NBC the other night.
It was eventually switched and a McCain spokesman joked to WaPo, “Is she not a famous person? OK, so what’s the problem?” You betcha!
If you get an e-mail with ‘Nude Photos of Sarah Palin’ in the subject line, do not open it. It might contain a virus.
If you get an e-mail with ‘Nude Photos of Hillary Clinton’, do not open it. It might contain nude photos of Hillary Clinton.
Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You!
See the video HERE
I wonder why ABC left these on the cutting room floor. =o)